My view of life can be boiled down to one motto. “If you lower your expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.” I have used this incredibly affirming credo on many occasions, whether it was to be satisfied with a C in Spanish, or to accept a mediocre sexual performance, this theme has proven very useful in my short life. And it is with this spirit of mediocrity in mind that I now (somewhat) proudly present…
The Unambitious Bucket List!
Who needs to scale Mt. Everest anyway?
1. Eat an entire watermelon.
2. Learn how to make my bed with the precision of an army infantryman.
3. Get a partially standing ovation at a karaoke bar.
4. Work out my abs until I have at least a 2-pack.
5. Finish this blog post.
6. Perfect cooking bacon in the oven. ( I mean, it is called Bacon for a reason.)
7. Convince my partner Erica to start writing things on this blog.
8. Do something akin to faking my own death, but much less severe. Like faking back pain?
9. French a French girl.
10. Or least French my girlfriend in France.
11. Learn all the words to R. Kelly’s “Double Up” album.
12. Drop a piece of toast and have it land butter-side up.
Surely there will be more to come. Watch this space, and may all your dreams come true!